Citytv Forums

One of my close cousins has been dating someone on and off for several years now that we do not feel comfortable around. The last time they stayed overnight neither my husband nor I were able to sleep because we didn't trust this guy in our house. We have since avoided situations in which they might sleep over. Now we have some possible overnight stays coming - should we:

1. Say something to my cousin and risk damaging the relationship?

2. Say nothing and just deal with it?

3. Make plans for other people to stay instead, therefore not having space for them (avoidance option)?

If your not comfortable with this guy in your house overnight then do not allow him to stay.  Its your house right?  There is a way of approaching the subject with your cousin...just say you prefer that there are no sleepovers with her boyfriend...your oldfashioned and it makes you uncomfortable. If that makes her unhappy too bad....She has to learn to respect your home and your boundaries right??  Sometimes in life we have to have uncomfortable conversations with people we love....If she loves you she will understand....eventually.  If she dosn't she is being selfish and immature.

I think if you feel you have issues/instincts to cause to make your uncomfortable & IF you CARE for your cousin, I would think you would want to discuss it. Instincts should not be ignored & for the most part they are usually right.

Wouldn't it be better to open the can of worms rather than sweep them under the carpet only to deal with a smelly mess later on ?

Thanks for the advice. We will see what develops as our visits approach in the coming months.

I wouldn't say anything to your cousin about how you feel about her boyfriend.  She's not your daughter and you're at no obligation to express your feelings about him.  It doesn't happen that often that the person will listen to critism about a boyfriend and agree with them and break it off.

What if the tables were turned, would you be angry if  someone would tell you that they didn't trust or approve of your choice of boyfriends.  It's your house and you can chose who you wish to have as guests, specially overnight guests.

Do you think he's going to steal from you?  Am not clear on the trust issue. 

We are all waiting to hear the follow up on this one??? I'm sure there were many issues that lead up to this posting and we have of course not heard all of them.  Either way around this its not going to be comfortable or easy to deal with especially if he has all ready spent lots of nights at your house and now you tell him he can't.  I guess thats a lesson for all of us...don't just let anyone camp out at your house.....you may find it hard to get rid of them later!

Waiting to hear more of the dirt? I guess I would sum up to say he's a really abrasive guy that knows everything about everything so we give up trying to talk to him. He doesn't treat my cousin very well, making comments that are embarassing to the rest of us. And there have been some pretty bad fights between them as she uncovers things he has been misleadin about. So over the years she has become more isolated and we have become more suspicious. The events he does attend he is sure to make us know that he isn't having a good time at.

Rumour has it that the next event for which my cousin is staying at our house, he is not coming to so we are relieved.

Over the years she has made comments like: "Oh I know you don't like him but..." so I guess she knows how the rest of the family feels. I just worry about her and would rather not have a confrontation that drives her further away from all of us. I'm starting to get paranoid about her by some chance reading this message board!

Well.....I'm really sorry to hear that he is so abusive.  Your cousin appears to be suffering from a classic sympton of abused women....lack of self confidence....she feeels like she dos'nt deserve better than this idiot and she will continue to defend him and make excuses for him. People that belittle and degrade everyone around them also have a lack of self esteem...thats how they make them selves feel better. Its a bizarre relationship that needs help. Isolation is also another classic sympton.  All you can do is be very supportive of your cousin and hope one day she will be strong enough to leave him. You should'nt worry about your cousin reading these posts.....your love and concern for her are obvious to all of us .  Maybe one day she will she the light.          

We actually though of an "intervention" but didn't think it would bring any good. They were to get married and then called off the wedding, broke up and now seem to be living together again. It's just a hard situation all around.

Thats a real shame Jeani,  All you can do is be there for her when she falls....she's going to someday you know.......:(