Citytv Forums

I've had suspicions these last couple of years that my boyfriend of 8 years is on the "down low" - having sex with men.

I catch these fleeting "moments" between he and other men, be it in the grocery store, restaurant, walking down the street, waiting for me in a mall.  More or less, it's like fleeting glances in more than a casual way, could be an exchange of small cough or turn of the head.  I have walked up to him from behind while he has waited for me at a mall a few times and found him not far from another man exchanging looks.  A couple of times I've turned around and found him giving full smiles to men behind me. 

My boyfriend has been "overly" homophobic from the time I met him (not that that is a good thing).  I have approached him on my observations and he says I'm misreading him and launches into this homophobic tirade and why don't I trust him.  Did I mention we haven't had intimate relations in over 2 years? 

We have shared some truly loving memories over the 8 years together.  But if he is on the dl, I'm lost and resigned to end the relationship.  Does any one else have experience in working through this situation. 

Its time for some tough love...sorry.  ALWAYS...I repeat ALWAYS!!!  listen to your inner voice..it is never wrong. If you suspect your partner is being unfaithful with men or women....your probably right.  It is time to move on.  Why stay with someone that is making you miserable and anxious?  No intimacy in a relationship for 2 years is a huge red flag that something is wrong.  Moving on requires strength.  DO IT NOW!!!  Any life changes are difficult but you will adjust...Keeping busy...start a new hobby...take a trip...redecorate...Oh and go to the doctor and get yourself tested for any STD's...you don't know how long he's been doing this...better to be safe than sorry. 

I hate to trouble you more, but I have several gay friends and have often asked how they "connect".  They tell me it's all in the eye contact.  You look, hold the stare for a second.  That tells them you're interested.  I know waaaay more than I actually want to, and the statistics of supposedly straight men that they have sex with are alarming.  Quickies in public bathrooms are the most common, often in malls or large department stores when they are out shopping with their women.  It doesn't mean this is what's happening with your bf, but I would continue to be observant if I were you.  Why the no sex?

I agree - trust your inner voice, something is definitely wrong whether your BF is cheating or not because the initmacy has changed and your suspicions are rising! Protect yourself by going to the doctor and setting limits with your BF. Have you confronted him about this? What has been his reaction if so? What do you want from this relationship?