Ep. 8 - A Sick, Wicked And Radical Experience

I got eliminated, and it was based most on my performance in the photo shoot. I'm so sick right now and I brought that into the shoot with me. I'm sad that I in fact am going home and like I'm letting down a lot of people, but I tried my best I gave my all and I hope people see that. I want people to know that even though I was a dancer that I was a model in this competition and that leaving my roots was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But on the bright I won a diamond watch ;). I won't give up modelling but I feel like I need to make changes in my life to enable me to commence my career. This has been a sick wicked and radical experience and I'm so lucky I was in the last three. And I thank all the judges and directors and producers for this opportunity.

Ep. 7 - Back In Model Drive

Cruise control was jumped! I killed the photo but the judges seem to feel that I'm not confident enough. It came down to the final two in judging and in the end I stayed and Cori went home. It was nice. She didn't like me that much, or AT ALL!!!!!! Hahaha, I'm just glad I'm still in the competition still and I feel like I'm getting the drive to really want to be a model again and not a dancer, even though I'll miss it. I'm so happy that I'm still here and I'm ready to bring my all to the next roadblock they put up.

Ep. 6 - A Lucky Turn

So apparently jumping out of cruise control is harder than expected. My new plan is just to be the best I could be, and to not over think anything. Tia and I were in the bottom two this week and I thought I was for sure going home; there was no doubt in my mind. But the tables were turned and neither of us went home which I suspect will push everyone to the edge of reason in the next week. I’m actually a little scared to see who explodes, the pressure that has now been put on us is so extreme, and I fear that I might crack under it. I was looking at the pictures I received from my gift from home recently and I found that the pictures that were taken right before I left look like the Tara I see myself as; I don’t know whose looking back at me in the mirror anymore…maybe it’s Tara the Brand! I think that if I remember who I was in the beginning of the competition that I’ll be able to improve and jump out of cruise control; all I really want to do is work my hardest and if that’s not enough than that’s not enough but at least I’ll know I didn’t give up, and I believe that that is what really matters, cause quitters suck.

Ep 5 - Fears Realized

What I was afraid of happening happened. The panel saw what I was afraid of, that I was gliding underneath the surface of good, and was just mediocre. It's really hard to hear that but I knew it had to come. So now I have to really step up my game and show them I'm not just mediocre. I need to exceed their expectations of my skill as a model, and blow them out of the water with my next photo shoot. I realized tonight just how many people were rooting for me and it helped me realize how badly I want this, and what I need to do to achieve it. I need to focus on me and not on how much Cori annoys me, or how much Tia talks, or also how much I miss Gina. All I need to focus on now is Tara-Marie, and how she is doing.

Ep. 4 - Under the Radar...

Gina went home. Its not that surprising cause they're were obviously going to give Cori another chance there's no reason why they shouldn't. But I miss her, and I really would like to just be able to talk to her about the girls and their backstabbing ways. I'm so frustrated right now, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs about the dumb asses who are using the truly kind people in the competition. I realized in judging that I need to step up my game in the next shoot because there was too much ambiguity in the judging room about my picture. I've been sailing under the surface of the best, but I'm scared that soon they'll realize that I'm not exactly improving but just keeping a constant glide. I would love at least one hour maybe two just Cori and Tia free. It would be so lovely. Sinead told me that if I need to I could talk to her, but what if I need to talk about Tia, they have gotten really close since Steff left and that can be a really touchy subject.

Ep. 3 - Saving Grace

Steff went home. I wish I could say otherwise but Steff being eliminated was not shocking at all. I’m just thrilled that my walk saved my life. Beause if I didn’t have a strong walk I would most definitely be in major danger. I know there’s some dispute that because I knew how to walk before the competition it’s not fair. The true reality is that if you’re seen as a real threat you are just not the most popular one in the house. I was so worried that Gina would be going home tonight, I was in tears just thinking about it. It’s like she helps keep me sane, and focused on why I’m here. My competition right now would be Sinead and Cori.

Ep. 2 - Game On!

I am in shock!  I never would have guessed that Jacqueline would have been eliminated. I feel so bad for her. If I were her I wouldn’t have expected to leave and therefore it would have been so harsh. It was horrible to hear her cry; even when she left you could hear her sobbing from outside the doors. It was a really emotional day overall.

I really need to get over my cold and focus up for next week's challenges and photo shoots, because I’m not going home. That was so brutal, now there are two reasons I don’t want to be eliminated.  One, because I want to be Canada’s Next Top Model, and two, it is embarrassing be eliminated. On another note, Sinead has seriously stepped up her game; she is seriously one to watch out for.

Ep. 1 - Model Behaviour

First judging was today and if I thought that choosing the ten girls out of the twenty was stressful, then this was that times twenty. It's not like I wasn't confident in my place cause my judgement went well compared to others, but I was super nervous for the girls I'm "bonding" with. I was freaking out for Gina and Steff, and hearing Steff's name instead of Mika's, I don't want to be rude but it was just such a relief. The stress everyone was put under today really showed who can keep their head on straight and remains composed. I also found it showed the maturity levels of some of the girls who are older but just do not know how to handle stress. Overall it was great day for me; it showed me my competition so far, which was surprising, because I definitely didn't suspect Cori to be so strong.